Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
