I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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