my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This baby is an asshole
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
