3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
