You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
