NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
