Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That reminds me...we need to get swords
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
