The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
