So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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