I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
