Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
