he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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