totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
