Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
