the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
