I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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