the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
