I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
