So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
