I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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