so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
