i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?