Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived