just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.