we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.