Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I FOUND THE LEGS