You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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