When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
