I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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