Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
