When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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