Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
