"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
