the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh god it's open bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
