My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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