I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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