if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
