2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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