But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
