My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
