evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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