the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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