every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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