does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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