how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
