A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
