he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
