He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
