so explain again why im purple
no
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
