I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
