Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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