Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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