He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
