A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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