I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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