i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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