Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
