Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
