I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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