I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize