Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
