apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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