after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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