Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
