haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
