i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
