My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
