If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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