well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
