Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
