...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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