When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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