god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
