so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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