do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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