..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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