I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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