guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
