Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
