Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
