Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
