hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
