I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
