I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
