and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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