Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
