But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
