you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
