Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
