Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize